


I'm Fine

by sunsetjenny



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Hurt Keith (Voltron), Hurt Lance (Voltron), Hurt/Comfort, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, M/M, Pining Keith (Voltron), Pining Lance (Voltron), Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:48:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23057992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunsetjenny/pseuds/sunsetjenny
Summary: Lance struggles with accepting his past and finds himself hiding behind a mask of pain and lies. He thinks no one notices, but little does he know Keith does.
Relationships: Keith & Lance (Voltron), Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 81





	1. Pain/Regret

**Author's Note:**

> My second fic! This one has more angst, but I promise it has fluff at the end! :D

I'm fine. 

Two simple words that hold so much meaning and emotion behind then, that it can bring people together or tear them apart. 

I'm fine can be genuine, paired along with a smile and laugh that could light up the world. I'm fine can be a wall, protecting the sayer from spilling their feelings out and begging to be healed. I'm fine can be a mask, a fake smile that plasters itself across the face of the liar, trying to appear okay.

I'm fine, although two simple words held such deep meaning to Lance that he couldn't stand it.

All he did recently was lie to people around him, lie and lie and lie. He would reassure his family repeatedly that he's doing ok, and better than ever. He would smile and laugh at ridiculous jokes that his friends told him, and try to act as if he was having the time of his life. He would even lie to himself that he was ok while crying himself to sleep each night, begging that the weight in his heart would become lighter.

The hardest part of lying was having to do it to the most important person in your life, the person who you would never want to hurt. That person wasn't hard to guess for Lance, for that person plagued his thoughts every day from the morning to night, from dawn to dusk.

Keith.

Every time he lied to him, put on a shallow smile, choke out an empty laugh, and calm his relentless questions about Lance’s mental health, a bit more part his heart died. He didn't want to lie to him. He hated lying to him. He despised lying to everyone around him.

Unfortunately, there was nothing much Lance could do, for he couldn't let everyone see how much pain he was.

When Lance says he's in pain, he doesn't mean physically, he means emotionally. Mentally. Spiritually. He's slowly chipping away, the person he once was, the happy and flirtatious boy becoming nothing but a distant memory. Lance is falling, floating in and out of focus on the daily, his mind constantly flying up above. His thoughts always wander to two people, two people that won't leave his conscience alone even in the deepest slumbers he's lucky to get recently.

Keith.

Allura.

Keith and Allura.

"I'm fine."

"No, you're not."

Startled, Lance turned to his side, staring blankly at the person now in front of him. Unsurprisingly, the person the voice belonged to was none other than Keith Kogane himself.

Keith stood a foot or two away from him, his posture tense and closed off. Keith's eyes seemed to be trying to pierce through his skin, peel away Lance's layers until he was able to peer into his heart and see what he was feeling. But, Lance refused to let that happen, refused to become transparent to Keith, refused to be vulnerable. So, instead of letting Keith in, Lance did the next best thing, the only coping method he knew worked, he blocked him out.

"How would you know, Keith?" Lance responded, his tone bitter and sharp, hoping Keith would get the message to back off. Instead, as usual, the opposite occurred, the man beside him stepped a foot closer in response.

Keith's stubbornness was always the main reason why they ended up fighting, whether or not it was over making an important decision on a mission or getting him to take a break from all the Blade of Marmora work he often threw himself into. This time it was no different, for Lance saw the hot-headed rage within Keith's eyes, almost threatening to erupt at any given moment.

"Lance, we've known each other for years now, I know when something is off with you. How dense do you think I am? It's so obvious you've been lying to all of us lately!" Keith argued, his eyebrows furrowed with frustration as he stared Lance down.

For the first time since Allura left, Lance was speechless, unable to come up with a retort or even a word to say in his defense. Keith knew him all too well, knew his strengths and weaknesses, his talents and insecurities. Keith practically knew Lance better than himself at this point, able to read and pinpoint what he was feeling before Lance even came to terms with it.

Why was he lying to him?

What was the point of putting up this wall between them?

Why couldn't Lance just talk to Keith?

Lance started to open his mouth, all of the pain and insecurities he had been holding back for the past few months about to spill out before him to Keith. Suddenly, a thought made its home in Lance's brain, stabbing his heart with the ugly truth of the situation.

Lance couldn't tell Keith.

He wouldn't understand.

"Keith I think you should leave."

"Lance don't do this, don't push me away, please."

"I'll do whatever I want, so get out!" Lance snapped, poking Keith hard in the chest with his pointer finger, his Altean marks glowing a bright fluorescent blue. The moment Lance said those words, he knew he had made a mistake, hesitating slightly, but continued to stand his ground.

Keith stared at him for a few seconds, a flash of hurt crossing his face, before disappearing, and going back to his neutral expression. Without saying a word, he gently clasped Lance's hand, holding it between the two of them for a few moments. Lance couldn't breathe, his lungs becoming stiff as he stared at the ground below.

How could Keith take such a tense moment, and turn it soft?

Why did Keith care so much about him?

Before Lance was able to dive deeper into his thoughts, he felt Keith let go, allowing Lance's hand to fall to his side in one smooth motion. Looking up, Lance watched painfully as Keith walked away, opening the wooden door of Lance's farmhouse. For a split second, Lance caught Keith pause in the doorframe, hesitating, before he kept moving, closing the door softly behind him with a quiet thud.


	2. Healing/Acceptance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will be fluffier I promise :)

It had been days.

Several long days.

Every day, the sun would seem to be moving across the sky at a snail's pace, every second feeling like an hour or two. Lance couldn't keep himself occupied enough. He would work from the first rays of sunlight visible from the horizon to the late hours of the evening when the moon was high above him. He would work for hours, taking little to no small break in between, trying everything to not think. Unfortunately, nothing worked. The days would just get longer and longer up to the point of it being unbearable.

But, if Lance was being honest, the nights were a lot worse. He couldn't sleep. No matter how hard he tried, Lance would end up staying awake for the whole night, tossing and turning to thousands of thoughts that filled his head. 

I should have stopped him.

Was I too cruel?

Will he ever come back?

Why does he make me feel this way?

That was the one question that kept replaying in his head every single night, the one question that could make or break Lance at the end of the day. He couldn't understand why Keith was doing this to him. Keith and him were best friends! They trusted and depended on one another! So what if Lance had a small crush on him that he had absolutely no idea about! How would that make a difference?

Ok, maybe it wasn't a small crush, and maybe Lance's feelings for the black-haired boy were a lot stronger. But, it still didn't explain to Lance why Keith's departure hurt so much. His heart felt like it had been hit by an arrow, the head lodging itself deep in his organ, making a perfect crack down the middle. He felt as if someone stripped away part of his soul, and replaced it with nothing but thin air.

He felt numb.

Some days, Lance would be holding his old communicator, one-touch away from dialing Keith's number, and hearing his raspy voice again. One simple touch. But, every time he was about to, his finger barely grazing the screen, a small force seemed to pull him back to reality, causing him to bring his hand away and shut off the device. 

Keith wouldn't want to talk to him.

Lance knew this by now and accepted the fact that he had driven Keith away all by himself. He had ruined one of the most important friendships of his life, threw it away like it was nothing but a piece of garbage he found littering the ground. The ground, in this case, was Lance's life, and Keith was that piece of litter. The difference was that Keith was a living person and not a replaceable nor irrelevant piece of trash. Keith was Lance's everything. 

That is why Lance couldn't take it any longer.

It finally became too much for him, the endless days and nights cracking through his protective barrier, hitting him straight in the heart.

Lance needed to see Keith.

He couldn't go one more hour, more specifically, he couldn't even go one more second without seeing Keith, hearing his laugh, admiring his smile. But, there was only one problem blocking Lance from getting to Keith, he didn't know where he was. The easiest solution to this would be for Lance to pick up his communicator, and finally call Keith to see where he is.

But, taking the easy route wasn't an option to Lance since what was the fun in that?

So, instead, Lance decided to take the harder route, and go out to look for Keith by himself. As he got up from his spot on the couch, an unusual feeling overcame him. The feeling felt familiar, almost as if an unknown figure had placed a hand on his shoulder as a sign of comfort and stability. 

Allura.

Smiling to himself, Lance carefully touched his altean markings, running his fingertips over the marks, noticing how bright they were glowing, the blue illuminating the dim room.

She's here, even after dying, she is still here cheering me on, Lance thought, his heart clenching with affection towards his first love, and old friend. With that in mind, Lance walked towards his front door, determination replacing the fear that had originally been flowing through his veins.

Yanking open his front door, Lance was about to step out into the cool evening air when he stopped in his tracks. On his doorstep, stood the last person he would have ever expected to show up at that moment.

Keith.

"Hi."

"Hey," Lance breathed out, the words catching slightly in his throat as his eyes widened a fraction. His pulse fluttered like a bird's wings, threatening to fly out at any given moment. The sound of his heart echoed throughout the porch, loud and sharp in his ears. Everything was too much at the moment, too many emotions and feelings overflowing his mind and body, while at the same time, not enough. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Keith responded slowly, his voice steady and firm, yet sprinkled with a touch of gentleness. Lance glanced away from Keith, his nerves sparking and licking flames across his skin as anxiety tightened its hold around his chest

For the past few days, Keith had been everything Lance thought about, from the moment he awoke to the first rays of sunlight that teased the tree line to the final moments of consciousness before sleep pulled him under. Lance had thought that those memories he and Keith had shared would be the only remaining part of their friendship left, all hope he had for reconnecting with Keith being whisked away by the afternoon wind. 

He was most definitely wrong.

For the universe decided to have pity on Lance, and bring Keith right back into his grasp, along with several emotions he had buried away years ago. But, with this second chance he was given, Lance refused to let it slip past his fingertips, and drip into the pool of "what ifs" that had been filling up to the bare surface since he had first joined Voltron. This was his time, and he wasn't going to back down and give in to that sense of anxiety that threatened to consume him whole.

Taking a step forward, Lance hopped down from the slightly elevated door frame, stepping out into the cool February air. Fear clung to his skin like water droplets do to grass in the early spring mornings in April. Keeping his hand firm on the doorframe to hold himself steady, Lance glanced back to Keith holding his eye contact once again. He watched as Keith stiffened sightly, his tense posture growing ever more rigid under his watchful gaze. It was as if they were back in the war again, a few agonizingly slow moments away from running head-on into an army base full of Galra soldiers, and the unknowingness if this were to be their last battle high above their heads.

"Keith," Lance started, swallowing roughly before regaining the ability to speak again. "It's not okay. I'm not going to just stand here and lie to you that what I did before was right or fair to you." Keith watched him carefully, his eyebrows slightly raised, almost as if he hadn't expected Lance to admit that aloud to him. Satisfied with his reaction, Lance's confidence slowly increased, his demeanor becoming more relaxed as he squared his shoulders. "You were right, I am lying to you. Hell, I've been lying to everyone for the past few months that I forgot what the truth even is. Am I ok, or am I just pretending? Am I not ok, or am I just acting out for pity?" He continued, the anxiety in his chest squeezing tighter around his ribcage, almost as if it were trying to break every bone until it reached his heart. 

"Lance," Keith interrupted, trying to calm down Lance's fear, his hands slightly twitching next to his sides. Lance watched the action out of the corner of his eye but was unable to stop the words from falling out of his mouth at this point. All the emotions and thoughts that had built up in his chest and had been locked away with a lock and key were finding their way out, faster than water coming out of the bathroom faucet.

"I'm sorry I pushed you away and didn't let you in earlier. I'm sorry I haven't been thinking about anyone other than myself lately, and not thinking about your feelings," Lance continued, finding himself gripping his hands for support. He wrung his fingers together, pulling and poking to receive that temporary relief of cracking his stiff knuckles. As he continued to ramble, his thoughts spiraling deeper and deeper into the self-doubt and insecurity of his consciousness, Lance failed to notice Keith step closer. 

It was a small movement at first, almost hesitant as if he was unsure of what to do. But, a second later, Keith moved again, taking a wider stride across the porch. Within moments, he had walked in front of Lance, who had broken eye contact with Keith seconds earlier. Before Lance could finish another pitiful sentence, Keith reached out and grasped his hand stopping all noise from escaping Lance's mouth. Lance looked up all at once, his heart betraying him as it did multiple flips in his chest, butterflies ticking his stomach.

Behind them, the sun was gently kissing the treeline, its face winking softly at the world below almost as if hiding a secret. The sky filled with streaks of colors ranging from aggressive reds to wispy pinks that curled against the canvas above. Everything was bathed with afternoon light, making the world seem golden and sleepy. 

It was beautiful.

So, so beautiful.

With the breathtaking view behind them, Lance noticed the colors settled on Keith's figure, smothering him in that glowing light that seemed to highlight his jaw-dropping features. He seemed more clear, all his hard edges being sharpened and highlighted almost as if they were sculpted by marble itself. He fit so perfectly in the scene, almost as if he belonged here every day, in this exact moment, with Lance.

With Lance.

God.

Smiling at that thought, Lance brushed away the remains of his anxiety and put his attention back to Keith. To his surprise, Keith reflected the same fond smile Lance had just been directing at him moments before, his eyes sparkling in the porchlight. 

"Lance, it's okay. After everything we've been through, I think I can handle any dramatic remark you throw at me," Keith stated, a hint of a laugh catching behind his teeth. Lance felt himself swallow a laugh, the bubbly feeling filling his chest before dissipating at Keith's next words. "I'm going, to be honest, I can't erase all of the pain that you've had to endure on your own for the past however many months," Keith explained, his face falling slightly, a more determined-look replacing the rare smile that was once there before. "But, I can help you heal from the past, and we can create a new future, together."

Together?


	3. Moving On/At Peace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The coronavirus has shut down my school district for two weeks, so I'll have more time to write! :)
> 
> I am sending my love to all the coronavirus victims out there, and I hope they all recover. Also, everyone make sure to stay safe and to keep healthy.

"Together?" Lance croaked, his heart quickening once again, the butterflies that had settled down in his stomach ragging around almost as if they were trying to escape his body. Taking a deep breath, Lance swallowed thickly, almost choking on the emotions that were building up in his chest. 

Keith. 

Keith and him.

Together?

"Woah," Lance breathed out, the word escaping his mouth before he could take them back, embarrassment flushing against his ears. With that, Keith's somewhat serious expression softened, a smile painting across his face, caressing the skin underneath his eyes. Oh, how Lance loved that smile, from the glances in the middle of a battle when Keith was high off the rush of adrenaline, to that heart-clenching smirk that winked at him when Keith was feeling extra confident, to the soft moments like these when he and Keith were most vulnerable. Oh, that damn smile. 

Reaching up, Lance tentatively took Keith's jaw, stroking a tender thumb against his cheek. Ever since Keith came back from the Quantum Abyss with his mother and space dog, Kosmo, Lance noticed that Keith had changed. By changed he didn't mean just by a little. In the short span of a few months, Keith had become two years older than him and had grown a couple of inches. He was practically Lance's height, maybe even more! These changes at first didn't seem that noticeable, except for the fact of his growth spurt. But, as Lance watched him more closely, he realized how all these changes mattered.

Keith wasn't the same. 

  
He had grown up and went off on his own leaving the team, leaving Voltron, leaving him behind. He had grown not just physically, but also mentally and emotionally, his outlook on life way different then what Lance had remembered. Keith hadn't even looked his way the first time they met again, the hurt and embarrassment of the situation biting at Lance's heart as he winched slightly at the memory. 

"Are you alright?" Keith asked softly, of course noticing Lance's little wince. Lance glanced up, finding that he had been staring at their hands once again, a timid smile crossing his face.

"Yea just remembered something. Don't get overly worried about me mullet," Lance laughed, a cheesy grin replacing the somewhat shy one before, his old personality shining through the cracks and scars of time. Lance wouldn't be lying that the face Keith made next, didn't leave him breathless. It was impossibly soft, the wrinkles underneath his eyes creasing almost as if they were smiling as well, warmth practically radiating off of his face. In Lance's opinion that look should be illegal, for it could turn even the weakest hearts into warm fudge. 

"Uh-huh, keep telling yourself that, sharpshooter," Keith shot back, the old nickname Lance had given himself all too long ago that Keith somehow still remembered years later left Lance's heart fluttering. 

Damn him for remembering things like that, especially now.

By now, the sun had dipped below the skyline, and the last stubborn strays of sunlight brushed against the treetops as the world went dark. Above them, the sky was a pool of stars, the moon peeking out every once in a while as wispy clouds traveled by. Shuddering slightly at the cooler temperatures, Lance reluctantly dragged his hand away from Keith's jaw, placing it back on the one he was still holding. Tugging at his hand, Lance allowed himself to be grounded by Keith's presence for a few seconds before letting himself speak. 

"Hey, it's getting late, do you want to stay the night?" Lance asked, his throat tight, and heart beating erratically almost as if he were asking for the most scandalous thing in the world. In less than a second, a smile spread across Keith's face, all teeth, and eyes shining so bright it seemed to have replaced the sun itself. 

"Didn't have to ask me twice," Keith snickered, before moving in front of Lance toward the door, pulling him along the way. Laughter bubbled out of Lance's throat before he could stop it, Keith joining in on the way. As the two former paladins of Voltron entered the home, smiles wide and hearts overflowing, three celestial beings above seemed to smile down at them, finally resting, finally at peace.


End file.
